Unconsciously, I am challenged to start breaking the silence and be a pioneer of change. Change is said to be from within and it begins with an individual rather than a community, and if we all decide to change, first, as individual, we would be amazed about the transformation that would happen around us. I am one of the few that believe that you can never change anybody, People can only change themselves, however, you can inspire such change. I hope this series of writings affect just one person and provoke the needed transformation.
I was reflecting on my immediate community and the danger in siting with issues as we have been cultured to do either because of our believe as a people or we chose to do so unconsciously. I was opportune to carry out a community intervention in two different locations in the Southern part of Africa (locations withheld) and I discovered that as Africans, we have certain things in common and the culture of silence most especially.
From a personal experience which I believe would relate to many of my readers (if you have to domesticate this issues to suit our immediate environment), I recall that I grew up among young mothers, a result of teenage pregnancy and as part of the privileged few, we became judgmental to this young folks who were lucky enough not to be forced into marriage like we hear in some deep and sensitive part of Nigeria. These young ones voluntarily have sexual relationship and unfortunately, unlike many of us, were unlucky to get pregnant and since it has become a culture, they give birth under the watch of their parent, few times with the man accepting the pregnancy.
I have a lovely cousin who lived in my house and had a promising future, I was determined alongside every member of my immediate family to make sure she achieved her desired goal of becoming a doctor until she got pregnant at the age of 16. We were disappointed at first but because of our social work background, we knew it was not the end and were willing to give her a second chance, off course, not without several criticisms by well-meaning friends about WHY SHE HAD SEX et al. The end of the story remains personal.
My point from that issue and several others that you can relate with is that we are too quick to judge others about the same sin we commit in our closet just because nemesis is yet to catch up with us. We condemn them and never really asked the WHY question.
I am not encouraging premarital sex, however, I have unlearned a lot of superstitious teaching that was enforced on me and have begun to respect the fact that we are not the same and some people (even adults) cannot really abstain from sexual acts. This write-up is not to trace the origin or the real issue to poverty because, like my cousin, it was not poverty that led her to getting pregnant, however, it might be the case in my future writings.
My resolve, which anybody can disagree with, is that ‘the culture of silence’ where young people cannot freely discuss orgy with their parents is the cause of this. Most parents are too shy and afraid to talk to their children about sex, sexual orientation and sexual activities. I was amazed when I heard a 16 year old girl embodied some sexual definition in a comedy show I attended around the theme of SEX in September this year.
ABC of SEX might be defined as Abstain, Be Wise and CONDUCT by religious organizations, I am VERY religious if you ask my friends but logic definition if we want to safe our generation from UNPREPARED pregnancies is ABSTAIN, BE CAREFUL or CONDOMIZE.
Abstainess has mostly been preached but we all know it is not easy or almost impossible for many and so wisdom requires that if you cannot abstain, we preach and make proper use of condom. Proper in this sense goes beyond just using condoms but been detailed (checking the expiry dates, making sure that it is kept properly and not in the purse and also, wear ONLY when you are fully *charged* and not in a haste) in the use of condom. (Read more on the internet).
My question is this; can you imagine how many souls we would have saved if the religious bodies sensitize all its members on the effectiveness and proper use of condoms? What would have happened to my cousin if we educated her about condoms and not just discouraged her orgy feelings about not having sex? What would it look like if we can fetch a packet of condoms from our school toilets either secondary or university? How many unwanted babies would we have just kept away from this callous world that sees only one side of the issues.
Please help unseat with your comments. Thank you for reading.
By Damilola Apotieri-Abdulai
Twitter: @damilola_a
Facebook: Honorable Damilola Apotieri
Damilola Apotieri-Abdulai is Nigeria’s first Applied Dramatist, expert in Drama in Education, Communities and Social Context. He is the CEO of Media Advocacy and Development Initiative (MADinitiative) and a playwright for social transformation. He is a postgraduate student at the DRAMA FOR LIFE, University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South Africa.