Sonia, the Colombian heartthrob of Nollywood actor Ik Ogbonna has started a blog for motivation, relationship tips and more. She has only been married for a few months but she feels she is matured enough to talk about marriage already 🙂
In her latest blog post titled “What makes people ‘change’ after they get married?” she talks about the changes that can occur in a marriage and how to keep things fresh.
Read her post below
Did
you hear people complaining how “things always change after you get
married “? Like, all enjoyment and fun vanish and get replaced with
nagging, drama, tension, complains even regrets. How one or another
partner “changed”, became “cold”, and things are simply not the same
anymore.As I told you guys (million
times), everything that is happening in our lives comes out of our state
of mind. The moment we change attitude towards certain things in life,
it automatically changes these things in our perspective and the way we
see them. The truth is and a reason I disliked institution of Marriage
for so long, was because of annoying and unnecessary pressure and
expectations people (society) put and attach to marriage. And ,in my
opinion (still, even though I am married now) I feel like it’s so silly
to let one piece of paper affect, shake and influence the whole nature
of relationship you used to have with your partner. People be acting
like “now you are mine, I have right to….” ,”we are married now, you are
forbidden to…”, “not anymore, we are married now…”, “you can’t dress
like that anymore you are a married woman/man” etc..It’s like gradually switching from democracy to dictatorship. We are humans, who normal likes feeling caged?
I
mean, there must be a compromise from both sides in every healthy
relationship, during the time, step by step, you learn how to function
with person you love, and out of that love you simply won’t do certain
things that your partner dislike, and on the other hand, your partner
supposed to love you for who you are and because of that, he won’t ask
from you to abound your own nature and become somebody you are not.That
is why I am always saying that you should always give more importance
to the quality of your relationship, learn how to put yourself in shoes
your loved one is wearing and understand that peace, joy, support,
loyalty, honesty and understanding are the most important features and
try to keep them healthy instead of worrying about “what will people
say” and giving so much attention to a piece of paper that says that you
are somebody’s wife/husband ,because, In reality, it doesn’t really
change much. In fact, If you wasn’t happy with your partner’s behavior
before marriage, you will definitely be even less happy with it now that
you are married and you will end up turning into a very frustrated and
bitter person (very unpleasant to be around) holding on to a piece of
paper so desperately while demanding your partner to change because “you
are married now!”. You simply don’t build these things in marriage; you
do it way before you decide to spend a life with someone.My
advice is – don’t take formalities too serious. It won’t stop someone
from misbehaving it will only add to drama, frustration and depression.
Think well- If you are not satisfied with a quality of a relationship
with your partner, don’t expect that something magical will happen and
change his/hers behavior once you two get married.If
you are happy with your partner, then just continue doing you (two)
without letting formality district your behavior, perception and points
of view.Stay playful, have fun,
laugh, go out, tease each other. There must be a space for adventure,
bit of wildness and excitement, and most importantly-don’t forget to be
each other’s best friends.It’s supposed to be a foundation of everything else that comes on top of it.