Her story, without doubt, will tug at your heartstrings. It is not only
didactic, but also inspiring. Interestingly, in this interview
with NATION, the single mother of one opens up her
bitter-sweet experience in life.
How is it like coming from a polygamous family, considering that many people say awful tales about it?
In Yoruba, they say, “Ile olorogun, eta’nu ma wa ni ibe”. But I think
it has to do with individuals. I enjoy my childhood and I am proud of
my parents. They had their own mistakes and they made their own choices.
I also had my own mistakes and I have my own choices to make. So, I
will not come out and say anything awful about my family because I have
my own stepsisters and stepbrothers. If my father didn’t have them with
their mum, I probably would not have brothers and sisters to call my
own. So, I will say it is a blessing to me. Though I am not propagating
polygamy, it is part of Africa.
When did you start leaving independently of your parents?
When I say I was alone that time, I mean that everybody was going
about his or her business and nobody wanted to really understand how you
were feeling psychologically. It was just me in my world, so one could
do some naughty things through peer group influence. I won’t advise
parents to leave their children alone. They should try and understand
how they feel, even in their decision-making because you might not know
where you have left them alone.
Did that also result in your dropping out of school?
Yes. You know, you can just stray away without looking back, if you
refuse to listen to what people are saying. My mother was extremely
strict and she shaped me with proverbs. The proverbs were enough strokes
of the cane that will last you a lifetime. I missed with friends who
didn’t think of the future but the present and you could just play away
your lectures, exam dates, tests and assignments. That is it why I still
maintain that it is you as an individual.
I guess that was also the period you got pregnant?
Yes, that was the period. I had my baby; and like I said, you now
have to start correcting the mistake you have made. All in all, it was a
wonderful experience that I can never trade away today. I thank God I
had him then, though early. As I said earlier, my youth really got me
prepared for what lies ahead of me. As an individual, I already knew
what I wanted and how I wanted it, so I would just say it is a blessing
that it happened then.
How old were you then?
I was 17.
You mum must have been very disappointed in you, knowing that she was always cautioning you.
She took me in, washed me, cleaned me up and put my feet firmly on
ground such that I had to start and do it right. I would say ever since
then, our bond got tighter as mother and child. She is a mother any
human being will ever wish for. A lot of people gave her all sorts of
advice.
Did she feel she didn’t do enough to caution you?
She just attributed it to destiny. I am the only child; so, if I had
to be at home, I would be locked up in the house. But as a mischievous
child, I devised a means of still going out to play with my friends. Of
course, it wasn’t anything naughty. But a child needs people around him
or her. So, it is not really nice when a child is alone in a massive
compound because he or she might get naughty. And at times, you get
tired of being alone.
So, you wanted to explore?
Yes, you are right.
And then, you abused the freedom in the process?
When the people who are supposed to shape you are not around, you
tend to miss your ways. I guess that was what happened and I made my
mistakes in time and corrected them in time.
Did you attempt to abort the pregnancy?
Yes, I did. But it didn’t work for me.
How?
I was asked to use some pills; but you know, destiny is destiny. He
was meant to come and he came. He couldn’t even be aborted. There are
children out there whose parents did everything humanly possible to
terminate them, but they still came. There are reasons why the abortion
would fail and it is only God who knows the reason. And if you are lucky
not to get it terminated, you will see the reason. Honestly, I don’t
think it is a good option, but it is as old as prostitution.
Why did you consider abortion when you knew the man who was responsible for the pregnancy?
I was a teenager, so I probably would not have made any good decision
on my own. I couldn’t even allow my mum to know in time. In fact, I
didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was way gone, so that is why I
said he is a destiny child.
Like how many months?
I was about five months gone! By the time I knew and thought of abortion, nobody would want to do that for me.
What advice will you give teenagers who are pregnant now?
I am worried about teenagers nowadays. I have seen and heard all
sorts. I don’t know what to do, but I just believe that God, the
government, the NGOs, parents, teachers, guardians and good citizens of
Nigeria should help to shape the young ones coming behind us. They have
lost it. The mistake I have made, I have been able to correct them by
myself. But I have seen and heard of other cases where people could not
correct themselves and their lives went in shambles. That you are not a
graduate is not an excuse.
Also, ignorance is not an excuse. If you don’t learn a trade or do
anything to improve your life and you expect manna to come from Heavens,
you will either steal or prostitute; and if you do either of these, you
will end up destroying your destiny. But if you know you have a good
plan for yourself, you should try and stay under your parents and obey
the laws. I am not saying you can’t come across one or two misfortunes
in life, but you can avoid it when you stay on the right tracks.
Was it a case of infatuation or love?
It was infatuation. It couldn’t have been real love because I didn’t know what real love was then.
How do you relate to your son now?
I relate to him very well. I call him my correction. Everything I did
wrong, he is doing it right. He is 19 years old now and he is a
wonderful young chap. Every mother will say that about her child. But
when outsiders say that about your child, then, you know you are not
trying to massage your ego. I thank God I have a good product in the
society. I am not trying to praise him overboard, but he knows his
boundaries; so, I thank God for everything.
What is it like being a single parent?
It is not a child’s play at all. There was a time he lived with his
dad because I have to fulfill all righteousness. He wanted him and we
discussed it, so I allowed him to go. But circumstances still warranted
me to be in the custody of the child now. So, raising him alone is a
blessing to me. It has made me strong. Whatever decision I make, I make
sure I put him into consideration. I thank God I am not lazy; at least, I
have been able to feed him well, clothe him well and give him good
education. It has not been easy, but being a single parent has made me
who I am today.
You are the only child of your mum and you have so far had only him, so aren’t you bothered?
I don’t see it as something bizarre. I have loads of cousins and I have stepbrothers and stepsisters.
But I am particular about your own?
I am going to get married and I am going to have more children. But
for now, it is just my career and me. My son is a grown-up; so, I am not
nursing anymore.
From experience, I want a real man, an African man. Well, not a
tyrant. But then, he should be in charge. I want a father figure and I
want my own husband.
Why has it been hard for you to get a man who has all the qualities?
I won’t say hard because I sure have suitors. I am, however, waiting
for the God-ordained one. I don’t want to make any mistake. There are so
many factors that lead to separation in marriage. If you marry outside
the will of God, there will be a crack or separation along the line. It
is a sacred thing.
So, it should not be because you have come of age or because you
desire it or because you are searching. If you rush into it, you will
rush out of it. These are the things we should learn and accept in life.
Some people are not meant to get married! So, I won’t say because I
have suitors, I will rush into marriage. A lot of them will tell you
they will marry you, but iro ni won pa( they are lying). They probably
just want to use you to ‘pose’ as their wife, given that you an actress.
After three months, one year or so, it will pack up. I have pressure
from my mum and others to get married. They say they will buy gele and
aso.
But I might shock them because I might only pick gele. I don’t want
any elaborate ceremony. So, it depends on what God has designed for me.
I am not finding it hard to get a husband. At the set time, the right
person will come my way.
But some believe you don’t want to get married because you have all that a man may want to give you?
I tell a lot of guys that I can’t have anything to do with them, but
we can be friends because, at the end of the day, nothing good will come
out of it. I can’t allow myself to be used as a display thing. Some of
them even have fiancés tucked abroad and they date you for months and
years. But before you know what it is happening, they are gone.