Whether we realize it or not, our self-esteem influences every aspect of our life, including how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and even our employment. Terri Cole, a certified psychotherapist and author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Speaking True, Being Seen, and (Finally) Living Free, describes self-esteem as “how you see yourself and your value from the inside out or subjectively.” And the advantages of having a good self-esteem are numerous. If you’re not sure where you stand, a self-esteem test will help you figure it out.
According to Cole, having a high degree of self-esteem makes you less inclined to accept people treating you poorly, and it gives you the guts to take risks and pursue the things you really want in life. You also know that you are resourceful, resilient, and comfortable making decisions for yourself, even if others disagree.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can have a detrimental impact on many aspects of life “because it correlates to emotions of low self-worth and a bad or strained relationship with yourself,” according to Cole. “Your relationship with yourself establishes the standard for all other relationships in your life.” In other words, if you think negatively of yourself and consider yourself as unworthy, others will undoubtedly reflect that back to you and treat you accordingly, causing a lot of misery and suffering.
Regardless of where you fall on the self-esteem spectrum, we can all work on enhancing our self-esteem. Cole provides three suggestions for improving self-esteem in the section below. But first, she explains how to assess your degree of self-esteem in order to better comprehend your starting point.
How to Assess Your Self-Esteem
One technique to assess whether you have a low or healthy degree of self-esteem is to become aware of your self-esteem patterns. According to Cole, signs of poor self-esteem include not respecting your own views, opinions, or ideas, as well as not knowing your innate value and worth. You may also be continually concerned that you are not good enough and seek validation from others. Cole defines healthy self-esteem as having self-respect, feeling good about yourself, and knowing and communicating your preferences, limits, and non-negotiables.
Another technique Cole suggests testing is to be honest with yourself and ask yourself questions such, “Do you honestly enjoy yourself?” Are you aware of your special abilities and talents? Can you think of a few things you like about yourself? And do you believe you are deserving of love, attention, respect, and kindness? The more yeses you provide to these questions, the higher your self-esteem will be.
3 ways to boost your self-esteem
1. Establish and uphold appropriate boundaries
Cole, who practically wrote the book on setting boundaries, believes that understanding how to set and maintain strong personal and professional boundaries is one of the most potent methods to boost self-esteem. “The more you practice making decisions that are consistent with your genuine feelings, preferences, and desires, the more self-esteem and self-confidence you will have,” she says.
2. Concentrate on minor goals
Another way to boost your self-esteem is to become a master at anything and keep to your promises to yourself. Instead of making big objectives and then failing to meet them, Cole suggests setting tiny weekly goals or focusing on improving one minor habit. “Select something doable that will make you feel good to have achieved,” she advises, such as walking 10 minutes a day, drinking more water, or meditating in the morning. “Keep things simple, yet consistent.” Small victories increase one’s self-esteem.
3. Rejoice in yourself
“Real self-esteem is about appreciating and accepting oneself, flaws and all,” Cole explains. “It is socially acceptable and taught early on that we should minimize our successes or skills in order to avoid frightening others or being viewed as arrogant or pompous.” “I feel the time for fake humility is passed, and it is in direct conflict with developing healthy self-esteem.”
To put this into practice, Cole suggests taking out a pen and paper and filling out some journal questions, which can help strengthen that sense of self-acceptance and self-love. List people you’ve helped and how you helped them, qualities you love and admire about yourself, accomplishments you’re proud of, abilities you have, and times when you’ve conquered adversity. The more information you can scribble down, the better. If you get stuck, ask a trusted friend or family member to reflect back your best qualities and unique skills.
Finally, Cole adds that developing self-esteem is both a practice and a discipline that takes time, so be kind with yourself. “It does not happen overnight,” she continues, “but your future happiness and life satisfaction make it worthwhile.”