Quit ‘Waiting for Mr or Mrs Right: Take Action – Tomi Sule writes

We have heard the saying “It is better to be alone than in bad
company”; it is great to be married, but I believe it is better to be single
than to be in a marriage where you feel trapped and dead on the inside. 

A broken relationship is better than a broken home, so if there are
signs of an unhappy marriage already showing in your relationship,
please have the courage to walk away. 
It is better to let go of the’ good’, so the ‘best’ can come. if
you aren’t in a relationship, the good thing is that you can make the
most of being single by building and preparing yourself to be a great partner and spouse when you do get hitched…How do you maximise singlehood? What should you do while ‘waiting’ – or looking for Mr or Mrs Right?

1. Open your eyes:

 Don’t shut yourself off from the world, be accessible. You may not have
a very active social life when you’re married because
of increased responsibilities, so this is your chance to build
friendships that will stand the test of time. Besides, how will you meet
a potential spouse if you don’t
give yourself the chance? Rebecca in the bible got a husband because she
went to the ‘well’. The well was a social meeting
point for shepherds and maidens
because it was the major source of water in the area and almost everyone
had to come there. It was a good place to exchange greetings and
chat while you waited your turn to fetch water and since it was done every day, it was a good spot for the beginning of many‘promising’ friendships. 
Join a gym, a department in church, a club or start a new hobby where you get to meet people. The idea is to make friends and get to know them –without an agenda.

When you know people in a relaxed atmosphere, they also get to know you and potential ‘courtship’
 relationships can begin…I must say this, where you go determines the
kind of people you’d meet. Anyone one you meet in a brothel, a night
club or a friend’s bachelor party
may not have the same values as you and may be the cause of
‘regret-worthy’ one night stands and unwanted pregnancies waiting to
happen to an unfortunate victim; so choose your social
activities wisely!

2. Look inside: 

To be good company, you must learn how to successfully stand alone. You
can’t support your future spouse and be a backbone when you haven’t
learnt how to support yourself emotionally and otherwise. A
successful marriage is the coming together of two ‘whole’ people not two

That’s why the seemingly romantic line “You complete me” is like a
fallacy, because no human being can ‘complete’another person because
they are not God. Yes you may feel better around someone and you
 may fit together like two peas in a pod, ‘5’and ‘6’…. and all
the ‘perfect pair’synonyms, but you need to discover yourself, your
likes,your purpose, your passion and what you want out of life. Focus on
YOU, focus on building your career, on building your character
and building your dreams; that way when he or she comes along, they will
be proud and feel so lucky to be with someone like you.

3. Be patient:

I know this seems cliché or maybe crazy if you’re way past your 30s and
under pressure to settle down, but the most mistakes in life are made
when you’re in a hurry. Count the cost of getting married and be sure
that you are ready. Don’t get married for your mother, or for society,do
it for yourself. You will be the only one in the marriage with someone
else, so why shouldn’t you be allowed to make sure you’re ready?

Desperate choices bring desperate mistakes so take your time in getting to know people and getting to know
yourself, your future spouse will appreciate you more. Besides,
your attractiveness drops when you’re too eager to get hitched, haven’t
you noticed that people who
seem to not be looking for a relationship always seem to have ‘chasers’?
Maybe waiting a little before you commit to a relationship will
save you from avoidable heartbreaks, bankruptcy and abuse.

4. Grow, improve, but don’t change: 

I’ve seen cases where people lower their standards, pretend to be who
they are not, and disregard their values only to be heartbroken in
the end. If anyone cannot love you for whom you are, then you are better
off without them. Be the best version of yourself,but by all
means never try to be someone you’re not to gain acceptance.A lot of
marriages have suffered from great shock when during years of dating the
man was a romantic gentleman with suave
and manners, and when he gets married he reveals the ‘cave man’ inside;
and turns a wonderful wife into a bitter and disappointed woman. A lady
who hates the ‘heat’ of the kitchen pretends to be a domestic goddess
to attract a husband and turns into slob after marriage, much to the
disappointment of her husband. Please be open minded and willing
to change, but don’t make up a fantasy of perfection in order to trap
someone. You were created wonderful, you are beautiful inside and
out. Work on getting the beauty within and without to shine through.
Anyone who cant see and appreciate the unique and wonderful person you
are doesnt deserve to be with you. Any love you are not secure,
confident and feel peace about, will not changed by marriage. I see
a wedding coming up that will be the beginning of a wonderful marriage
and its got your name on it!

Cheers! By tomi sule


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