A counselor and writer, Victor Ibeh, has shared a story of how he dated
an older lady which lasted for two weeks before she broke up with him.
Victor Ibeh, who revealed that he “had” an attraction to older women for
some reasons – narrated his ordeal in order to warn people to stop
testing or threatening their partners with breakup. Below is what he
shared on Facebook;
At a certain time last year, I had a
relationship that lasted for two weeks. We were friends before we
suddenly got romantically involved. We looked like we could do so much
together, so I was excited about the relationship.
She was older
and that was a plus for me. I “had” this attraction to older ladies.
Apart from the fact that sex with them is usually extraordinary, there
is also the absence of drama and childishness. When it comes to drama, I
am very impatient. I believe that an adult should know what he/she
wants and avoid instability, pranks and mind games.
This is not
to say that younger ladies are not gifted with these same qualities, but
from experience, younger ladies can be very unrealistic. I have had so
much experiences in life. I think it is beneath me at this time to have
some kind of mundane romance with ineptitude. So, I just seek after
people like me who have also had experiences and have advanced beyond
that childish state.
However, because there is really no hard and
fast rule of love and emotional transactions, I have seen so-called
adults seeking succour in high school love wherein they abdicate
responsibilities and immerse themselves in the muddy waters of
The allusion to high school love, above, is just an
obiter in this submission. I do not possess the intentions of expanding
it’s meaning and ambit in this write-up. But, on a later date, I will do
a more detailed teaching or say, an explanation on that subject.
about our relationship was going as we desire until one day. I called
her in the morning as usual, she didn’t take calls. I called 5 times but
there was no response. I assumed that she was very busy with work.
I tried to send a message on Whatsapp, but I realised she had blocked me on Whatsapp. I just calmed my pussy and went to work.
noon, I put another call across and she picked. She sounded like
someone in the midst of something. I greeted her and asked how she was.
She responded. Then I told her that I have been trying to reach her on
the phone to no avail. I quickly mentioned that she blocked me on
whatsapp. She replied that she did it intentionally, that she wasn’t
interested in the relationship any longer. I was shocked, because we
didn’t have any issues before that day.
I pleaded with her to
tell me why she took that decision. She told me that she had made her
decision and that she wasn’t under any obligation to give me her
reasons. I kept pleading with her on the phone. I just wanted to know
why, in case there was something bad I did. I am someone who is
constantly improving myself. I didn’t have a problem with the breakup. I
just wanted to know why, so, I can work on myself, especially if her
grievance was legitimate.
I called back after some hours and met
the same response. It took me 24 hours to process what happened. I was
hurt, not by the break up, but the manner and then her attitude and also
because I esteemed her above such childishness.
After 24 hours I
let it go and moved on. I love my peace of mind. Some days later, she
unblocked me on Whatsapp and sent a message. She began to reestablish
some sort of friendship. It wasn’t a problem for me. I was cool. We
could be friends. At that time I had withdrawn my emotions totally.
After a while of talking with me, she broached the subject of
relationship to me. This time she was asking for the relationship and
was telling me that she was sorry about her previous action. In summary,
she tried everything possible to get us back into a relationship. I was
adamant. I was done. That’s the thing about me. When I pull out my
emotions I don’t send them back.
This experience is not an
isolated experience. I have encountered ladies who would intentionally
break up with you so you can beg them to come back to you. That is their
own way of confirming their worth.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t
work on me. You cannot give me drama because you want me to validate
your self-worth. I really can’t.. If you don’t believe in your worth, I
can help you boost your self esteem but it doesn’t have to be under an
atmosphere of drama and mind games.
A time comes when you just have to let go of high school love and embrace adult love.
there is an issue, discuss it. Look for a solution, but don’t come with
threats of break up. I kid you not. If you break up with me, I just
accept it. I will not start begging. If you tell me my offence without
threat, I will be remorseful and offer my apologies.
One of the
ways people torture themselves emotionally is by breaking up physically,
when they haven’t detached themselves emotionally. It is torture and
most of the time, you will come back to that partner. Don’t be in a
haste to breakup with someone if you are sure that you don’t really want
to break up. Stop testing people with breakup.
Very many times in my life, people have broken up with me, and I just said “thank you” and walked away.
they saw the way I responded they went on to accuse me that I never
loved them, but that’s not true. I actually loved them but I love my
peace and sanity more.
I am a very emotional person and I use my
emotional energy for almost everything I do. So, I find it difficult
dealing with drama and insanity. They will accuse me that I never valued
the relationship and that was why I was quick to walk. I walked out of a
marriage with just my books, piano and a few clothes. I left
everything, I left my son that I loved so much, because nobody will
grant me custody of a toddler. There is nothing I cannot walk away from.
The most important thing for me in this world is my peace and sanity.
place so much value on myself. It is not my fault that you place less
value on yourself and are willing to accept bullshit. Don’t assume that
because you are willing to take rubbish, I should be willing too.
me find beer and drink fess. Please, if you don’t agree with what I
just wrote, take your disagreement to Jevinik and be useful to your