I know a lot of things are running through your mind right now. Before I go on, I’ll like to say upfront that whatever I say is not legal advice and should not be seen as such. I’m only speaking in my capacity as an Intimacy Consultant and Wife Coach.
That being said, I understand that you feel terrible and betrayed by this discovery. I don’t know what you saw or heard that brought you to this conclusion but here you are. I should say this on a side note: If you sneaked around your husband’s private things, then you also have things that need to be worked on. What you found may be legit but you have to come clean with your husband that you were being nosy and that you went through his stuff without his permission. You both then need to think about what you want to do about the paranoia and dishonesty in your relationship.
If you find something that clearly signifies that your husband is still in love with his ex, then I think the first thing to do is to tell no one. As women, our emotions can get very intense and we’d feel like if we don’t talk to someone at that moment, we’d suffocate (even though we never do…lol). This isn’t one of those situations where you allow your emotions run the show. Discoveries like these put your marriage in a very delicate place and you must handle it with care and wisdom. You can begin by approaching your husband in case there’s a chance that you are misconstruing something. You can then go on to confront him with evidence and see how he responds. If he admits, you both can talk about it and decide on what next to do. Something you must remember is that “He married you NOT her.” Exhaust that reality. Don’t get sentimental. Be optimistic. Expend your energy on making your marriage work. There’s a reason why you’re together. Don’t let it go cheaply. It just may be a trial season. Good communication will definitely help in times like these. At One Young Wife, we are big on communication. You can check out this resource on how to communicate with your spouse during times of conflict.
On the other hand, if your husband gets angry and defensive, then maybe there’s more to what’s on ground than meets the eye. You need to let him know how hurt and betrayed you feel. If he keeps being defensive, you could demand that you both see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. At this point, if you are overwhelmed, you then can confide in a trusted person who will comfort you (it’s advisable if this person is of the same sex).
Having troubles in marriage can put you on the edge. I did a session with an Infidelity Coach/Divorce Lawyer some time ago and we discussed extensively on how to handle situations like these emotionally and legally. You can check it out here. It really would help you understand the full spectrum of things.
I hope this helped. I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out to us @oneyoungwife.
You are loved.