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Single, Saved and Not Having Sex (True Love Waits): Newly engaged Nigerian lady shares her inspiring story! (photos)

25 year old Antoinette Igebu, an unapologetic Christian, Engineer, Consultant and Writer recently got engaged to the man of her dreams.

She is the C.E.O of Tonie’s Mane – a burgeoning Wigs & Hair
Extensions brand. She is also the Founder of The Esther Legacy – an
upcoming organization that promotes building teenagers and young adults
into purposeful  women who recognize Jesus Christ as their Lord and
King.

Read her story below:

Service today was super amazing! The message of God’s Grace is always so refreshing! Which brings me to today’s caption. Epistle tiiime, blessing time! ?


7 months ago, I appeared on @capt_sparks instagram “Explore” page (Just incase you didn’t get the memo, instagram is the new facebook and no.1 hookup social media platform ?) by God’s divine intervention. Yes, because I honestly believe our meeting was destined to happen. After stalking my page (he’ll never admit he stalked though ?), he found out we had a mutual friend @optixbaba and proceeded to make inquiries about me and also ask for my contact details. This is where divine intervention was working for us again because Big Daddy knows how I’d have reacted if he had just DM’ed me ??

 
Chris didn’t waste time to make his intentions clear on our first date and I recall laughing at his boldness (which attracted me to him more). Fast forward to 3 weeks after our first date, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said YES. Yes because I wasn’t just sure, I was convicted. That this was the man I waited for four years to find me. The one who would not just love, respect (my purity) and cover me but also present me to God without blemish! My husband. Yesterday, I said YES. Again. This time to being his wife. His partner. His help meet. It’s all so surreal! I had been told that my standards were too high and that’s why I was single for so long. Some even made jokes that maybe Jesus Christ himself would come and be the spouse I was waiting for. Lol! In a funny way, their words came to pass. God didn’t have to send Jesus Christ again (He already did) but He sent me my very own (Christ)opher ? #CheesyIsMyMiddleName?

I love you and I appreciate you @capt_sparks. You make me so happy and I love how you love me – flaws and all. We may not be perfect people but we’re perfect for each other because God is working in us both and I trust that He’ll continue to perfect us. Like you always say, “God’s got us”. I really can’t wait to do life with you, My Captain ❤?? #TheQueenAndTheCaptain #BecomingMrsOguta #HeHasGivenMeLicenseToPissYa

Also read her latest blog post!
 

Single, SAVED

Today,
I’ll be talking about something that has been on my heart for a while
now. It has been and still is a very sensitive and controversial topic;
in the church, on social media and in society at large – premarital sex.
It is so controversial that even Christians sometimes don’t like to
talk about it. We would rather “mind our business” because we don’t want
to offend anyone or for fear of being tagged as “judgemental”. We would
rather accommodate every opinion and belief, refusing to hold ourselves
and those around us to any standards, all in the name of love and
acceptance. But is that really love? I have asked myself this question a
couple of times. (Post for another day). And I have been guilty of
this. Holding out what my heart feels strongly to speak about because I
was skeptical about opinions. But 2 Timothy 1:7 lets me know that God
has not given me a spirit of fear (a timid spirit) but of power, love
and a sound mind. I will try my very best to talk about this in the way
that I feel led to and be practical/real as possible. 
So, premarital
sex. Is it wrong? If yes, why is it wrong? What exactly is considered
premarital sex and what is (sexual) purity? Are there boundaries? Is it
even possible or normal to wait till marriage before having sex? And no,
this post isn’t just for the females out there. It applies to guys too.
Let’s get down to it. 
Society tells
us that, in this day and age, it is completely ridiculous and out of
place to expect people to wait until marriage before having sex for the
first time. The message is that if someone does this, that person is
“ancient”, a wuss or better still a loser. In Naija lingo, na “dead
guy/babe”. But losing out on what exactly? 5 minutes of passion? Dead to
what? His/her flesh? The (not so) shocking thing is that, this has been
making rounds not just in the world but around Christian circles as
well. Because we believe God loves us and Jesus did all the work on the
cross of Calvary so no matter what we do, God forgives us. We believe
our part is to enjoy salvation, not bother with “old -school
traditions”, discipline, self-control and “work” because we live in a
dispensation of GRACE. While this is PARTLY true, I think it calls to
question our authenticity as true believers if we choose to abuse the beautiful gift of Grace that God has given us through Jesus Christ.
 

Isn’t our life before Christ and our life after Christ supposed to be different? And this is not
about appearing pious on Sundays. I’m talking about being the church
every single day of the week. Monday through Saturday. God extends His
Grace to us not so that we can go on doing as we please but so that as
He grows in us and we become more
like Him, we can also be a light unto the world. He is not a sugar daddy
that we expect to just dish out blessings whenever we please. He has
expectations of us. He is Holy and His Grace calls us to a life of
obedience. 

James 1:22-25 tells us “But be doers of the word, and not
hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the
word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a
mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what
kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty
and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the
work, this one will be blessed in what he does.”

As true Christians, the world needs us.
(Romans 8:19). It might hate the way we live. But it needs us. We are
the salt of the earth, the light of the world. And our lifestyle
preaches louder than the things we say.
Waiting to have sex till you get married is NOT abnormal
Let me start by
saying this. Even if you’ve had sex before but you’re now walking in
purity and in the fullness and knowledge of God (celibacy), it’s just as
if it never happened. 
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
“As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭103:12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
It doesn’t
matter what any human’s opinion on that is, it doesn’t matter how many
people you have been with. God sees you as a new creation as soon as you
accept Jesus Christ as your Lord, Saviour and Groom.
Also, I have
heard many people mistake the fact that being a virgin means one is
sexually “pure”. Now while I am all for keeping one’s virginity till
marriage (men and women alike), I will like to point out that virginity
and purity are two entirely different things. I will elaborate on this
in another post some day soon but just to shed more light on this. While
virginity is a physical thing and may be about the state of one’s hymen
being intact (in the case of some women), purity is more about the mind
and the heart – which is what God truly sees. So there’s the case of a
virgin who struggles with masturbation/pornography or engages in anal
sex/petting/making out just so she can take pride in her hymen staying
intact/so he can brag about being a virgin guy but truly that doesn’t
depict anything close to purity.
Now that we
have settled that, I would go further to add that waiting to have sex is
not easy. Especially if you have experienced it before. There’s no
super power that celibate people possess and I promise you that the
blood flowing through their veins is also red and not blue. They have
the same feelings, emotions, desires and sexual drive as everyone. The
difference is in the choices they make.
Most people
don’t understand that some of our actions either fire up or cool down
our sexual drives. We listen to filth, read filth, watch filth and
surround ourselves with filth. It’s not rocket science then that we get
to “struggle”. The battle against our flesh can only be won with the
help of the Holy Spirit and if we don’t fill ourselves with the things
that glorify Him and edify us, it is only imperative that we will keep
struggling and eventually falling. 
Keeping boundaries is an alien concept to this generation but it is so essential. 
We can’t be
petting, deep kissing and making out and expecting to stay pure in
heart  – and body. We can’t be accepting random dates, dating
unbelievers in a bid to “change them and trying to convert souls for
Jesus”. We can’t be “hanging out” in his/her house past midnight or
sleeping over and expecting nothing to happen. You WILL fall. I have had
people tell me that they can have sleepovers at their
boyfriends/girlfriends houses, be on the same bed, and absolutely
nothing would happen. That, my friends, is a lie from hell. Because as
long blood flows through those veins and there’s an attraction between
both parties, even if sexual intercourse does not take place, something
else will happen. And that is not protecting or guarding your christian
testimony.  I
know because I have tried it (sleeping over), out of sheer stupidity and
thinking I was too spiritually strong to let my guard down. But for the
Grace of God, it would have been a different story (sorry, I told you
I’d be as real as possible). The bible exhorts us to flee from all
appearance of evil. Not just evil in itself but the very appearance of
it. 
We don’t live
pure in order to earn God’s mercy and grace. We can never earn it and we
can never be so “strong and righteous” that we feel we can do this on
our own. That in itself is idolatry because it’s taking God of of the
picture. We live pure as a result of God’s love and because we want to
honor Him with our lives. 
So, waiting is not abnormal. It’s
the standard. God’s standard. Because our bodies are His temple and our
first fruit to Him. What is abnormal is having sex outside marriage and
encouraging behavior that makes it difficult to stay pure. There’s a
lot of drama in marriages today that are as a result of the choices made
while couples were still single.
Nothing beats doing it
God’s way. Absolutely nothing. It may not guarantee that one’s sex life
will be “great” once married (that’s the reason a lot of us give for
wanting to test the waters before getting to the marital bed) but at
least it can guarantee not having sleepless nights because of pregnancy
scares or STDs, dealing with unnecessary soul ties and trust issues. By
the way , isn’t marriage supposed to require work? Knowing the person,
discovering them and who they are and not just about sex?
If you are waiting, keep up the faith.
Lean on God when it gets hard because it will. Pour out your heart to
God. He listens and He cares. He gave you that sexual drive and will
help you wait..and wait well. Surround yourself with good friends and
things that edify you. Cut off everything and everyone that tries to
make you live a hormone-driven life. We are not animals. Sex was made to
be enjoyed within the confines of marriage and you will have loads of
it once you are married so why not just wait? 
So what is the point of all of this?
Many of us,
ladies especially, are so tied up with getting a ring and wanting to be
called someone’s “Mrs” that we miss the whole essence of preparing
ourselves and our bodies in the godly way. I have seen some images going
all around on social media about how some celebrities waited and then
got wifed up – therefore that seems to be the basis of waiting to have
sex before getting married. Now while that is not a bad thing, I have
news for you. The whole point of keeping yourself from having sex is not
marriage. It is part of the point but it’s not he whole point. The
whole point is God and doing His will.
I’m saying this
because sometimes we have this expectation in our mind that since we
are living for God and keeping ourselves till marriage, why is God
taking so long to make bring us our spouse? I know because I was this
way for a while (I wasn’t in any relationship for 4 years). But I have
come to discover that as a single person, the only person God ever
prepared me for was Himself. Not a man. Before being anyone’s
girlfriend/fiancée/wife, I am first a Christian and a daughter of the
Most High and His plans for our lives are so much higher than marriage.
His plans and purpose for me are eternal and everlasting.
KNOW THIS.
Man or woman, God cares about you.
He loves you.
He is the only one who completes you.
You are valuable to Him.
He’s still working in all of us to make us like Himself.
The goal is higher – it’s heaven bound, not earthly.
Here’s to wishing you a happy new month, of fresh starts and aced goals. *cheers*
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Tireni Adebayo

Tireni Adebayo is the Editor of Kemi Filani News.She has BSC in Mass Communication from the Redeemer's University and M.A in Mass Communication from the University of Lagos (2014 - 2015) where she majored in Public Relations and Advertising and Digital Media.  When she is not writing, she is either listening to music or reading her favorite books.Tel: +2348000000901 Address: Herbert Macaulay, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria Email: [email protected]

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