Paul and Tunrayo Alagbe were married on September 3, 1998 and had their first child on December 29, 2014. RITA OKONOBOH chronicles the couple’s journey through the years of trials to the unfolding of boundless blessings.
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He
lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet
on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my
mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and
put their trust in him (Psalm 40: 1-3).
The above Psalm verses aptly describe Mrs Tunrayo Alagbe’s testimony
of the Lord’s goodness as she finally gave birth to a daughter at a few
months shy of 60 years of age.
It was a sunny afternoon on Monday, January 5, 2015, and the
atmosphere was radiantly purpled by the stylish outfits of many who had
come to witness the naming ceremony of the lovely daughter of the
Alagbes. The crowd was surprisingly large, even for the African setting,
as many braced the burning rays beating down on the premises of the
Women Missionary Union (WMU) headquarters of the Nigerian Baptist
Convention (NBC), Total Garden area, Ibadan, just to show their
solidarity with the couple.
As the President of the NBC, Reverend Dr Supo Ayokunle, affirmed
during his address at the naming ceremony, “This child has, from the
beginning, started breaking records. I have never seen a naming ceremony
that attracted this kind of crowd. Also, no naming ceremony has been
conducted on the premises before now. This goes to show that God can do
anything, anytime, anywhere and anyhow, pleasantly, for his own people.
For those who wait upon God, it is never over until it is over. This is
an occasion for us to understand that God’s ways are not our ways.”
The Retired Executive Director, Women Missionary Union, Nigeria, and a
close friend of the family who anchored the naming of the baby,
Reverend Mrs Yemi Ladokun, took the audience through the time of
waiting. She showed to the crowd some flowers from the bouquet used
during the wedding and stated that she had kept the flowers thinking she
would use them during the year after the wedding during the naming
ceremony of a child but she was wrong as she had to wait for almost 17
years.
The child was given close to 40 names including, Halleluyah,
Testimony, Esther, Jesulayomi, Ileri-Ayo-Mi, OkikiJesu, Adepate,
Oluwatoyin, Omoronike, Ibiyemi, Oluremi, Motunrayo, Mo-F’Oluwa-ke,
Aderonke, Odunola, Eri-Ipe, Ewa-Iyin, Itan-iyanu-ife, IturaOluwa,
Favour, Oluwadamilare, Titilayomi-niwaju-Oluwa, among other significant
names.
‘A childless woman has no honour, no respect, no place’
Speaking with Sunday Tribune on the experience during the years of
anxiety, Mrs Alagbe noted that the many years of worrying, coupled with
the delay before marriage, contributed to making the experience quite
worrying. According to her, “I wouldn’t say we were not worried, but God
was comforting and encouraging us. It was not a pleasant experience at
all. We experienced delay before marriage but this one was more
excruciating. However, God sustained us.”
On the most nagging worry during the times of trial, the couple notes
that the African tendency to look down on a childless couple was a
constant source of concern. According to the mother, “In Africa, having
children is very important. If you’re married and childless, it’s like
you have no honour, no respect, no place. You’re nobody, so to speak.”
The father, Paul Alagbe, further stated that “She would sometimes say
if she had known that it would be like this, she would not marry me as
it seems like she is a problem to me.” His wife affirmed this by stating
that “Medically, I was told he has no problem, but I was the one whose
fallopian tubes were blocked. I felt like I was a burden to him, like I
shouldn’t have come his way and instead allowed him to live his life.”
‘Childlessness does not mean you are married to the wrong person’
The president of the NBC, Reverend Ayokunle, who spoke on challenges
and godly responses noted that nobility and godliness does not immune an
individual from trials. According to him, “Childlessness is not a
modern-day challenge. The fact that your family is childless does not
mean you are married to the wrong person. Some couples who do not have
the problem of childlessness have other problems. Would you rather
exchange childlessness for blindness, for instance? A problem is a
problem but God is always there.”
On her general outlook during the period of not knowing how things
would turn out, Mrs Alagbe, whom many describe as cheerful, warm and
always ready with a smile, narrated “I kept hoping. I cherished my
personal relationship with God because I know that the day you die, this
issue of having children no longer has meaning. So, I was jealously
guarding my personal relationship with God, especially in relation to
eternity. I tried to enjoy other things God has blessed me with.
Although, I was often disturbed by that one thing he had not done, I
tried to enjoy what he has done and in my own little way, I served him,
hoping He will do it. I thought that if He doesn’t do it, He knows why
and knows how to sustain me. That’s also why I didn’t visit all sort of
places because I know that if I eventually get a child from the wrong
source and I end up in hell, what use will it be? Besides, God
encouraged me that He will do it and I trusted in His promise.”
‘There was pressure on me as the only surviving male to have a child’
Her husband, Mr Alagbe, was not also without his own troubles.
According to him, he was constantly reminded about the need to take the
alternative option by getting a second wife. This was further hinged on
his position as the only surviving male child of his family. As Mr
Alagbe puts it, “We were six in my family; four of them died and it was
just me and my sister left. All my siblings who died did not have any
children and there was pressure on me as the only surviving male to have
a child. However, I was convinced by my faith not to do anything
negative.”
God never comes too late –Mother
Mrs Alagbe, who started treatment in early 2014, was confirmed
pregnant in April 2014 and the reaction of the couple when the news
first broke is too much to sufficiently capture in words.
“I didn’t believe it. It didn’t have much meaning to me. It was like I
was dreaming. However, as time went on, I saw it becoming a reality. I
just kept thanking God because He said He will do it according to his
promise in Psalm 40. I know that this miracle is for God’s name to be
glorified and for the hope of people to be reawakened so that they
believe that God still works miracles. God never comes too late,” Mrs
Alagbe stated.
For Mr Alagbe, his reception of the good news was almost
unbelievable. In his words, “It was like a dream. I kept asking myself
if it was true.”
While echoing the joy of motherhood, Mrs Alagbe stated that “I just
praise God. I’m delighted that God kept his word. In January 2013, there
was a prophecy in our church that God will do it. Several people came
to me and told me to hold on to that prophecy because it was for me. In
addition to what others had been telling me, and the support I received,
especially from my church, El-Shaddai Baptist Church, Pastor Mrs
Olateju and many people, I am happy that God has been faithful to His
word.”
‘You can still help people even in your own sorrow’
While acknowledging that going through childlessness is no trivial
task, Mrs Alagbe advises couples in this situation to guard their
relationship with God whatever the eventual outcome. As she points out,
“Even if at the end of the day, God doesn’t do it, it is to the
advantage of the couple. I reached that stage where I told God that if
He doesn’t do it, I’m okay with His decision because He knows what is
best for me. My advice is that they should hold on to God and ensure
that their personal relationship with God stands. They should also do
other things to serve God because when you serve God, you are not likely
to be too sorrowful and you’ll be happy to meet the needs of others and
minister to people. Couples should not aimlessly trust God but anchor
on a verse on the Bible and trust the eventual manifestation of God’s
word. They should also help others. You can still help people even in
your own sorrow. When you minister to the needs of people, your burden
is lightened. The couple shouldn’t become so averse to others as if
barrenness is the only problem in the world. Afterall, God has done
other things that they can enjoy and appreciate. Let them hold on to
God.”
Mr Alagbe, affirmed by friends and church members to be a friend of
children and who also teaches children in the church, advises couples in
the situation to ensure that they are not hostile to people, especially
children, no matter how hard it seems.
Taking more wives is courting more problems –Father
In his advice for men who are currently undergoing the challenge of
childlessness and who, like him, had been advised to take a second wife,
Mr Alagbe encourages them to fear God, stating that “If they go for
more wives, they are asking for more problems. The best thing is to hold
on to God and see beyond the immediate situation. Right from time, I
knew there was a problem but I also considered what the situation would
be if I was the one who had the problem.”
The couple attempted to relive the priceless memory of viewing the
child for the first time. For Mr Alagbe, “There was anxiety at the time
of delivery. I read Tribune newspapers a lot and I had read something
about a similar case in which the operation was not successful and I
kept thinking about it. But when I saw the baby, I almost cried. I was
very happy.”
For Mrs Alagbe, “I was just happy. I don’t know the words to use. I
was excited. I was thrilled that the baby had come at last. I had her
through Caesarian section at Vine Branch Medical Centre and at the
theatre, when they told me ‘this is your baby; it’s a perfect baby,’ I
wanted to scream and say ‘Wow! So this is what was in my womb!’ I lack
words to explain. Even though I was in pains, I couldn’t sleep
throughout that day. I was just looking at her and I kept saying to
myself, ‘So this is you I have been waiting for. Where did you hide?’ I
was really very happy.”
The President, Ibadan Baptist Conference, Reverend (Dr) Yemi
Adekunle, in his prayers for the family, prayed that their faith remains
unshaken and that God’s favour will radiate not just in the family but
through all present.
For prayers, encouragement and for witnessing the ceremony, the
Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ibafo, thanked and prayed for God’s
blessings upon all.
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