I think I am the most criticised President in the whole
world, but I want to tell this audience that before I leave, I will be
the most praised President,” said President Goodluck Jonathan at the
opening of the 52nd Annual General Meeting of the Nigerian Bar
Association at the International Conference Centre in Abuja.
Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers is not my style,
hahaha, just as I know that it will be difficult to find a single
Nigerian who hasn’t pointed fingers at President Goodluck Jonathan since
he became President. But really, can so many fingers be pointed at a
single individual all at the same time?
Some people have gone to the
extent of saying that since Jonathan took office, everything has gone to
hell in a handbasket. Others have held him responsible for everything
that has gone wrong in the country, from the tear in their pants to the
economy. Trust me: Nigerians are beginning to agree that when it comes
to assigning blame, look to Jonathan first. There are some hardliners
who don’t care if Jonathan wasn’t President during the civil war. He
must have been thinking about it, and that’s good enough reason for
them. They even say that if he hadn’t been sticking his nose into
government, the civil war wouldn’t have happened. Funny, Nigerians have
found the perfect target for dealing with their bad days. Late to work?
Blame Jonathan! Did the soup in the fridge melt when you weren’t
looking? It’s Goodluck Jonathan. Can’t find your smelling socks?
Jonathan! Your baby pees on the chair, again? Jonathan. The
possibilities are endless! Hey, are we not just being unfair to Goodluck
Jonathan? We blame him for all and everything. Even for things that are
not his fault. Let me ask you something sir or madam, if Jonathan is to
blame for everything wrong in Nigeria today, what becomes of the
previous presidents under whose regimes most of these problems started?
On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA, I stopped at the Bar
Beach to buy suya. I was a little bit early because I met the aboki
lighting his charcoal. As I waited, I saw two weird looking rastas
looking like archangels Michael and Gabriel in their white Cele garments
walk down to just about five yards from the water, raised their holy
robes in unison like atilogwu dancers trying to master a new dance
routine and bent down and began to defecate. Couples of minutes later, I
heard them walking back complaining of how dirty and smelly the beach
had become from what it used to be. As they passed by me, the taller one
said “omo naija, presido no dey try at all.
See as this place don
yamayama finish, dem no dey see as those oyinbo beach be for inside film
wey we dey watch?” At that point, I couldn’t hold back my anger. I just
had to say something: “Shebi na una just shit finish for that place so?
And una get mouth dey blame the president. Una see him shit for there?”
We are having a distant relationship with the truth in this country.
We have developed that rare ability to be hypocritical and not so much
as give a damn whether we are equally guilty of the things we are
blaming on others. In truth, Goodluck Jonathan should roll up his
sleeves, spit on his palms and get to work on a lot of things. We keep
saying that corruption escalated under his regime but why do we keep
failing to associate it with the fact that these corrupt individuals are
Nigerians? I listened to some custom officers saying that If it wasn’t
for Goodluck Jonathan’s backward policies, everything at the Nigerian
borders would be perfect.
Yes, let us keep dumping everything on
Goodluck Jonathan. Even our own responsibilities as citizens. He’s the
reason our custom and police officers are more interested in collecting
bribes than fighting crime and checking for contraband goods coming into
the country. It is also Jonathan’s fault that the security operatives
at the Lagos airport have all turned beggars. Should the president also
take the rap for the Director-General of the Standards Organisation of
Nigeria not being able to see that the nation is littered with fake
products?
Maybe Goodluck Jonathan should be with him daily and point him
towards fake products and manufacturers. The fight to save this country
does not begin or stop at Janathan’s table. It must be an all Nigerian
battle. Let the pastors stop praying for corrupt politicians and tell
them to their faces to stop stealing public funds. If all drivers have
their complete vehicle papers and obey traffic laws, there will be no
need to give out money to the police and we will be on our way to a
better society.
Ask yourself where your governor got the billions he spends on
frivolities? People in the rural areas of Akwa Ibom state are living in
thatched houses and we are building another stadium? Have you tried
asking what the Abia State Government did with the state’s allocation
for eight years? Do you think President Jonathan will be allowed a
minute of sleep if he failed to remit monies due to the states? So why
then do we pour all the blames on him?
Your governor owns empty estates
in Dubai and factories in South Africa when people of their states are
homeless and jobless, is that Jonathan’s fault too? Where did we get the
preposterous notion that President Jonathan took office and people
started having trouble finding jobs? Did we have a zero unemployment
rate in the country before President Jonathan? Millions of Nigerians are
working their asses out and dying as contract staffs and casual
workers, where is the NLC?
Is it not aware of the appalling working
conditions Nigerian workers are subjected to by multinationals? Of
course, it is all Jonathan’s fault. Last time I checked, Jonathan was a
president or a magician. Should he be doing the job of the NLC too,
supervising every sector of the country at the same time? Let us be
truthful to ourselves, since when have we had good roads in this
country? Were there roads in the country that Jonathan destroyed? Have
we had electricity in the country before President Jonathan? We say Boko
Haram started as a result of poverty and lack of education in the
North, were there schools in the North that Jonathan destroyed? Trust
me, the architects of Boko Haram know what they’re talking about when
they say it is all Jonathan’s fault.
For everyone out there, below are a list of things Goodluck Jonathan
is yet to be blamed for, so go ahead and make your pick and let the
blame game continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air pollution, sin, child
porn, human meat at Jankara market, home video, obesity, Drake sleeping
with everyone’s chic, Kim Kardashian’s nude picture, tribalism and every
other kind of ism, Arsenal’s trophyless seasons, Facebook, Twitter and
Wizkid’s last album.
Etcetera is a Nigerian alternative music artiste. He is also a columnist for Punch Newspapers where this gooo/columnists/etcetera/thank-god-entertainers-lost-their-primaries/”>article was first published.