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Hilarious: My Experience With Weed

After laughing so hard, I decided to share this guy’s weed experience with you.

Have fun reading!
I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my
“friend”. I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements
and signature weed scent (abi na odour?).
Barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed
as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would
occasionally roll a wrap and smoke it right there in the room or mix the
weed with beans or spaghetti.
Being a very curious person I always wondered what made them happy after
smoking, so I decided to find out for myself (wrong move).It was a very hot day in February, a Saturday I think it was, my friend
was out as usual. I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn’t find
it so I decided to go and get mine.
I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get
mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all
on different planets all expect one I concluded that he must be the
seller so I approached him and the following conversation ensued:
Me: how far?
Weed seller: I dey
Me: I wan buy weed
Weed seller: how many parcel?
Me: parcel ke? Iro oo, na just small i need
Weed seller: laughs really hard. bolo leleyi sha (meaning this guy is a dunce oo)
Apparently, a parcel of weed is that small wrap, I didn’t know that. I
thought it was something very large. I gave him 1000 Naira and he gave
me a tiny wrap of weed with a white paper, I was surprised when he gave
me 950 as change. I couldn’t believe weed was that cheap.
On my way home, I decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because I
thought that it will be better that way (another wrong move).
Long story short, I cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and
called my friend, I told him ogbeni, I just ate weed oo and nothing
happened to me this one that you people will eat and be feeling funky, I
don chop am oo. My friend was like, ehen you be strong man oo.
I decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, I woke up about 20
minutes later on the floor, I was banging my head on the floor, and I
couldn’t stop, my heart beat was so audible and fast, everything was
extra bright and extra loud.
After a few minutes of head banging, I was able to get up from the
floor, I felt as if I had just gained access to a part of my mind that I
never knew existed previously.
It was scary and cool at the same time. I could feel the blood flowing
in my veins (you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly
advise against it). I felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like I
was in an oven.
Suddenly, a voice in my head wisphered ogbeni bo aso e joor (off your
clothes), I obeyed. The voice came again oya sa re (now run). That was
when I realized that the weed had taken effect, so I decided to take a
shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my
skin so hot I ran out of the bathroom.
I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was
going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed I took
and I told him I used a whole parcel, he said guyyyyy you don eff up! If
you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo. Go chemist make you go
explain yourself.
By this time things had escalated, I had a severe itch at the back of my
head that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I scratched and I was
convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could
only be killed with a punch.
I ran to my neighbor РChampion and told him,  Champion e jo e fun mi
lese laya(champion pls punch me in the chest). ti e ba gbami lese laya
mo ma ku oo (if you don’t punch me I will die oo). He hissed and walked
out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the boys
quarters.
The voice in my head came again – iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o
ti fe ku ni (why don’t you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to
die?) I punched and punched but there was no difference.
The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder,
the itch in my head was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest
was getting louder.
Then came the voice again – oya ma sare lo (start running). So I started
running but on getting outside in the sun, I felt so cold I was
shivering but that didn’t stop me from running (I would have given Usain
Bolt a run for his money on that day).
On getting to the chemist, i realized I was bare footed, I told him I
had a severe headache I needed something to make me sleep immediately.
He gave me the drug and I chewed it right there in his presence.
Next I asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realized something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldn’t let me, so
I ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she
asked was – kilode o wo bata ni? (why don’t you have your shoes on?)
I told her “Jackie Chan ti gba bata lowo mi” (Jackie Chan collected my
shoes). I was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took
me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the
vein.
I passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2 am in the middle of
the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I
ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or
tea.
I came home to a hero’s welcome, my friend told me e be like say your
head no carry am but e go better make you try am once more so you go dey
use to it.
The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go
and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents.
It’s been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is
an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn’t gotten me in trouble again and
my circle of friends have since changed.

Written by: Mr. Man

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brandy-ynaija
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http://distilleryimage10.ak.instagram.com/5a5f37f45ae411e3b76a12ffea774e9e_8.jpg
Photo was taken in her hotel room in Abuja

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See snapshots below:
...

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You see, most contestants try to fake a smile after being given a No from the judges on the show but 22 year old Emmanuel Udeh just couldn't hold back his emotions, he cried!
Besides the judges (especially Kate) weren't nice...

Before showing off his dance skills, the 22 year old man disclosed that his stature has always been a challenge for him, stating clearly that "I am not where my age mates are because of my stature/size..." btw his pronunciation of 'church' (and some other words) was quite funny!
After presenting his crappy dance, he boldly said "I know...

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