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Abstinence from sex is not easy, I tell you!

I found this amazing article written by Myne Whitman and published on…and I decided to share it with you all.

What is not easy?” you ask. Abstaining from sex is not easy, my
friend. When you have no one you love or care for, you convince yourself
sex doesn’t really matter. It’s no big deal, you tell yourself and
anyone who raises an eyebrow and goes on to ask. I am strong you
persuade yourself on those nights you go out with friends to catch that
romantic comedy with those beautiful love scenes.
Hmmmmm. I tell you it is not easy. Abstinence is not what nature
planned for a healthy human body. You hit puberty and the hormones start
raging in your system. You read mills and boon and thrills and boon and
sex is this earth shattering experience. You read Joan Collins and
Harold Robbins and the raunchy aspects are described in titillating
detail. The blood pools in certain parts of your body and you can’t wait
to meet your own love and share sex with him.

Why abstinence then? You are a teenager and your body is so ready,
more than ready. But you are filled with romantic fantasies of there
being just one person with whom it would be special. You also remember
all the Sunday School lessons you attended and if you’re like me, what
the catechist made you vow before your confirmation. The years creep by
and you become mature enough to realise that you are not emotionally
ready no matter how much your body screams for it. You go back to your
bible roots and tap some strength from being born again.

Abstinence. Sometimes you ask yourself, what does it really mean? If
you make out with your transient boyfriends, does that count? After all
you did get some pleasure and maybe an orgasm or two from them. You
recreate these episodes in your mind those days during your cycle when
you are so easily aroused. And if you’re like me you put yourself in the
dock those nights you wake up horny from the erotic dreams stalking
your subconscious. There is afterall that guy that wanted to be your

The years continue to pass and you still abstain. Some of your
secondary school friends get married, get pregnant and you wonder at
their new found confidence. Your university mates are sexually active
and talk about all manner of stuff in your presence. Sometimes you own
up to your inexperience and if the company is hostile, you brazen it out
with knowledge gleaned from books. You cringe when they mention their
numerous abortions, are disgusted when they crawl back to abusive BFs
just for the sex and your decision is strengthened.

But does that strengthen your body? Not for me. A case of the spirit
being willing and the flesh weak. You help yourself out sometimes and
other times you go out with that guy that has been hanging around and
allow him cop a feel. Most of the time though you stiffen your upper lip
and go to sleep. Your guilty conscience makes you backslide.
Furthermore, trying to get busy with church shows up the corrupt
underbelly and you lose faith. The choirmaster and the solo singer are
having sex so why do you bother? The pastor and his wife wear only
Armani and Prada while Brother Pius and his family starve so why do you

You are almost an atheist but you know that’s not possible. You hold
on to your decision but it’s no more for God. Some of your friends you
shared the pact with had either fallen by the wayside or gotten married.
You’re approaching your big 3-0 and your closest friend tells you it’s
only fear holding her back. It is no more strength of will. It is no
more saving it for that one special guy. The other says its just that
after rejecting all the previous eligible suitors, why give it up to
some of the ‘yeye’ people coming around now. What to do? Your crown has
become a millstone around your neck.

Then that friend gives in to one of those not so eligible guys, and
he marries her after a bit. She’s lucky isn’t she? He’s a bachelor
anyways unlike the majority married men that trail after you like flies
to raw meat. There is one left and so you console yourself. Then out of
the blues, she calls you. I have done it. Done what you ask? Had sex and
girl it is so overrated, she blurts. You have heard that before but
hearing it from her makes your heart plummet. Is that it? All that
you’ve been looking forward to?

But that’s not the end. Did I say it was not easy? If anyone tells
you abstinence is easy, they’re fibbing big time. You are now dating a
guy you love more than all the others. He loves you so much and also
understands your stance, he is ready to wait. But your married friend is
filling your ears with gist. Ahhh, she says, it gets better. The more
you have sex, the better it becomes. She is having the time of her life
and she wants you to join the sexually active league. “What are you
waiting for?” she asks.

Indeed. Your fiance is making subtle moves and your body is feeling him. A lot. What to do? Abstain?

It is not easy, I tell you.
What do you guys think? Do you agree with Myne?

Tireni Adebayo

Tireni Adebayo is the Editor of Kemi Filani News. She has BSC in Mass Communication from the Redeemer's University and M.A in Mass Communication from the University of Lagos (2014 - 2015) where she majored in Public Relations and Advertising and Digital Media.  When she is not writing, she is either listening to music or reading her favorite books. Tel: +2348000000901 Address: Herbert Macaulay, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria Email:

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