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When we Err…

If you offended me in university, secondary school… I still remember.
If you, in fact offended me in primary school… trust *snaps fingers*
that I haven’t forgotten. If you’ve wondered why we aren’t friends on
Facebook or I refused to follow on twitter so that we can play catch up?
I just summed it up for you. The humane thing would be to apologize but
I’m already sure you don’t remember -ergo! I don’t want pity-apology.

Wait.

This is not about me- not really… I just opened with this to assure
you that when it comes unforgiveness; my FLSC, WAEC and BSC are child’s
play. I used to find it hard to forgive. I don’t forget. EVER.  It gets
so bad that even if I don’t remember the crime, I’ll remember there’s a
grudge I should be holding against you (unhealthy).

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So trust me, I mean… bank on me beyond reasonable doubt when I tell you this:

unforgiveness and not forgetting aren’t the same

unforgiveness: this shit can kill you.

not forgetting: coping mechanism

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Example: Once, I tried to confront someone about what he(asshole accused) put me(victim) through. I narrated my story

 Accused: huh?&@#^%%$Image

Just when I was expecting an apology

Accused: ah-ahn… since that time? (laughs hard) okay, sorry.

I ( victim fool)  walked away feeling stupid and fairly suicidal

.

The truth is, if i said something earlier… he may not have been quite sorry but he wouldn’t be this amused either.

Bear with me a while longer…

If someone offends you and like me you can’t talk about it… please,
let it go.I plead this for your sanity, on behalf of your future
relationships… and of course your heart because I agree with Louis

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers,  for each rage leaves him less than he had been before–it takes something from him.” – Louis L’Amour, American novelist (1908-1988)

Like everything worth doing, you may not get it right the first time
but keep at it, go out of your way to forgive …don’t blame your
short-comings on human nature because.. Mark said it best

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in
which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark
Twain, American novelist (1835-1910)

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After the pain and the anger comes a certain numbness that you may not be wilful enough to wake up from, Madiba insists that

  “Forgiveness liberates the soul. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela, South African president (1994-1999)

And if you want to talk about human nature, talk about the fact that
we fight sympathy in ourselves and expect it everyday from others… “self
preservation”. Dr. Maya puts it eloquently.

‘I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so
innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the
murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have
enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water.” Dr. Maya Angelou

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Sometimes we’re so broken… you know, the people who hurt us break us
because we’ve given them the power to (nothing wrong with that). Always
remember that love is first a choice before it becomes a feeling. So you
take back that power, use it to solder yourself into another form, a
better form. Ben makes us understand that sometimes

Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have dealt.

– Ben Greenhalgh

Yet you need to

“Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust.” – Persian Proverb

and they will vanish in the wind because, and i agree with Ann,

  “Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you
hit back. You’re done. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to
have lunch with the person.” – Anne Lamott, American novelist (1954- )

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ergo! If you must remember, remember in your wisdom and not to
necessarily live in fear of the road not taken especially when it’s
ourselves we refuse to forgive. I hope to forgive too (myself and
others)… because frankly it’s like mental obesity (not forgiving, I
mean) packing all that fat hate without  exercising release.

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Again

If you offended me in university, secondary school, I still remember…
if you in fact offended me in primary school, trust *snaps fingers*
that I haven’t forgotten. if you’ve wondered why we aren’t friends on
Facebook or I refused to follow on twitter so that we can play catch up?
I just summed it up for you. The humane thing would be to leave me
alone …if you offended me recently, I promise I’m working on it… I’ll
finally forgive you and why not because it’s like I say.

When we fall apart, we’re not supposed to pick up the pieces
and rearrange then as they were. We are to fit in new forms, shape-shift
and thrive on the short-comings and exceptions that make us who we are.
Remember that the next time you fall apart

Obiamaka Ifejika, i havent decided what i am (1989- )

Sometimes we lose face, lose taste, lose ourselves… But it never
really hurts as much as when we lose expression, no? We’re gonna keep
that. It becomes everything.  Good weekend then?

P.S. i realize this topic is much more in-depth but have this part
covered first and i just might tell you how not-forgetting can be a
problem too.

My wonderful readers, I’ll have a story for you next week. (this is me working at being consistent)  Be Light #Bossa

Tireni Adebayo

Tireni Adebayo is the Editor of Kemi Filani News.She has BSC in Mass Communication from the Redeemer's University and M.A in Mass Communication from the University of Lagos (2014 - 2015) where she majored in Public Relations and Advertising and Digital Media.  When she is not writing, she is either listening to music or reading her favorite books.Tel: +2348000000901 Address: Herbert Macaulay, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria Email: [email protected]

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